Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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