butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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