I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
