she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
