hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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