My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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