My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
