She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I party with great urgency now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
