I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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