I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize