I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
