Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
