Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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