After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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