just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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