Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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