I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
