All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
