thus making me awesome and them whores
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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