I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
