Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
