bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
