I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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