If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
