also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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