i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
