Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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