Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
