I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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