I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
