I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
