If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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