I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
