Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how can u be prego again
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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