i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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