I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
