I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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