eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
