Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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