my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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