I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize