He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
