her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
