You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Congratulations! We have a period
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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