I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
