She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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