I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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