thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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