do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
