You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
