I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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