with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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