I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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