I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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