Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
