Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
