He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
