I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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