Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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