3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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