I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
