I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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