her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
