they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
