I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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