Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize