are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
