I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
