Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
