is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
