drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
