I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
